nothing suss
“We are fucking dead meat” said Jeff.
“Calm down” I said, “we can do this, it’ll be ok”.
“We are so fucking dead meat” he repeated quietly, shaking his head and staring at the ground.
It was 1:15am, and we were seated in the loungeroom of Jeff’s parent’s house with his dad and sister flanking Jen on the couch, who had just returned from throwing up the bottle of Strongbow cider she’d half skolled earlier in the night.
Jeff’s mum, a large and jolly Italian woman, appeared with a tray of coffees - including one strong, black sugary one. We were always good boys to her, we could never do anything truly bad in her eyes. She was on our side.
“Jeffery… you giva this to Jennifer, ok?”
“Thanks ma” he said, taking it and handing me another mug.
Jen rocked back and forth on the couch, giggling, while Jeff’s sister Anna tried to administer the dose of caffeinne - our desperate attempt to sober Jen up. She took a sip.
“thatsssssss hot!” she blurted, and then put her arm around Jeff’s dad’s shoulder and looked at him ernestly.
“We went for a sssssssswim at the beach” she said, and then put her middle finger to her lips, “Shhhhh… it’s a secret, ok? Don’t tell mum!”
The phone rang, and Anna lept up to take the call. On the other end were Jen’s fuming parents, or more specically, her mum. Anna was such a trooper, already lying for us in a most unconvincing way just to save our sorry arses from the kicking they so richly deserved.
“No Mrs Kingston, they went to the beach today, then they went to the drive in later. Jennifer has just had a bit much to drink, that’s all”. As Anna said it, she looked into the lounge at us from the kitchen, almost trying to believe the lie we were concocting. Jeff and I looked at each other again from opposite sides on the lounge, as we felt the dark clouds of judgement gathering over our heads.
Jeff’s dad wore a smile the whole time, and to this day I don’t know if it was out of a sense of awkwardness over the whole sorry situation, or a sense of nostalgia for his own youthful hijinks. Both Jeff’s parents were brilliant - classic Aussie Italian migrants, always laughing, and cracking jokes. Our small circle of mates had spent many an evening spralwed around their longeroom watching the footy or basketball, Jeff’s dad cheering each three pointer and bagging every umpire decision that went against our team, his ma serving plate after plate of delicious home made pizza. We were thier extended family, and their warmth and hospitality was beyond compare. But this night, the usual jolly mood was tainted with guilt and uncertainty.
On that hot January night, at the end of a seemingly endless run of stifling weather, we decided to hit the drive in. Jeff and I managed to ring in Jen, who’d just finished year twelve and was always up for a laugh. She’d been a regular at the many parties we’d thrown over summer, unattached but always popular because of her bubbly personality. We stopped at the bottleo for provisions, something in the order of several bottles of Strongbow Cider, a hip flask of Southern Comfort and another of Bundaberg Rum. Oh yeah… and some salt and vinegar chips. And with that we set off for the evening.
A short way into the second movie Jeff produced the small pouch of weed he’d procured earlier that day - while I groped around under the passenger seat for a home made bong I kept hidden there. We were already pretty drunk, but then took turns at drawing back on the Bundy and Coke filled stoner utensil. By about 10:30pm it was still really hot outside, maybe 32 degrees and with not a breath of wind. We were all pretty stoned and drunk by this stage, and our minds toyed with all sorts of stupid ideas and notions. It was at this moment, Jeff had a brainstorm, or at least it seemed like one at the time.
“Let’s go for a swim”, he blurted out.
“What”? I asked, incredulously.
“A swim. Let’s go to the beach. Now.”
Jen and I both turned to him.
“The beach?” we both said in unison.
“Yeah! Come on… let’s go!”
Jen turned back to look at me, as I frowned.
“Let’s go! It’ll be fun!” she giggled.
“Ummm…. have either of you you noticed it’s the middle of the friggen night?” I responded, overly seriously.
“So what?” said Jeff, challenging me. “It’s still forty bloody degrees outside!”.
So I thought about it for a moment. And looked up at the movie we’d mostly failed to watch, and realised it was a pertty bad movie anyway. I got out of the car, and unclipped the antenna, then shut the passenger side door and got in the driver’s seat.
“Let’s roll”.
It took about 30 minutes to reach the coast, and despite paranoia kicking in, we failed to spot a single police car. I have no idea what breath reading I would have registered that night, but suffice to say I really shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. We found a back street to park in, and I grabbed a blanket and single large beach towell then locked up the car. Jeff and Jen were already walking, and I watched them disappear into the night as their laughter echoed off into the balmy night air.
I ran after them and we strolled the rest of the way together, Jen in the middle and me and Jeff either side. When we reached the beach it was deserted, so we lay the blanket down at the high tide mark and spread out on it. We looked out at the twinkly lights on the ocean, enjoying the cooler air and the gentle lapping of the water. Jen looked North along the beach, and then South, then determining there was no one around, suddenly stood up and dispensed with her summer dress, pulling it up and over her head. Then she reached behind her back and undid her bra, flinging it at Jeff and laughing.
“Come on… no one’s around!”
And with that she made off toward the water in nothing but panties. Jeff lept up, and threw off his shirt, and started unbuttoning his pants. I was much more cautious, and continued to scan the beach for unwanted guests. It was almost midnight, and no one was around, so I decided I could take the risk. I removed my wallet and keys and buried them in the sand, placing a clump of seaweed to mark the spot. I watched Jeff’s nude arse make it’s way to the beach, laughing to myself.
“Ok, it looks we’re skinny dipping…” I mused…
(…to be continued)
catch u 4 a drink sometime